Language
& Mind the Gap
By Chris Jones
Language
I live within
the language of my brain.
An existence
of harsh narratives,
and a paradox
of determined conclusions
with a throat
full of doubt.
Stories of fear
and uncertainty.
Confusion,
and opaque self-esteem.
So many conditions and rules
push me,
I stumble to stay upright.
to function
My addiction to insufficiency
sets me to task,
exhausted from
dragging chains
of productivity,
rusting with
a growing sense
of futility.
My work,
endlessly draining,
is not My Work
My compulsions
unwittingly build more armor
to keep me in safe torment.
I can’t yet understand
the language of my heart,
my savior.
I think, confused,
I am supposed to,
but feel inadequate,
disconnected.
Unable to fully feel
while my protector
slams the door
each time I try
to peek inside.
I have huge difficulty trying to clear my head of thoughts, images, video’s when I try to meditate. Even if I focus on my Mantra, or a breathing technique, or hold my hands over my heart to try to connect physically and spiritually, the incessant static continues. So then I think I’m crap at meditating and will never learn how to do it well. I don’t feel a connection with my heart, as if it’s hibernating. I’m trying hard, then judge myself for trying too hard rather than be fully present and get out of my own way. And I’m horribly aware that these thoughts are exactly the clutches I’m trying vainly to escape from. Feels like a “Doom Loop.”
Mind the Gap
I want to be
in the gap
between my thoughts.
To fall into
in the opening
between
my stories.
I seek the pivot
between memory
and hope.
To stay in the brief lull
between
a moment ago
and
the next moment,
and exist
in the fleeting hesitation
between my past
and my future.
I crave
the sliver
of time,
the pause
between the seconds,
the chemical calm
before the spark
of neurons.
To settle in the beauty
of the silence,
when,
for an instant,
everything
stills,
falls away.
A state
empty of worry
and shoulds.
Unoccupied
by my imagining.
Devoid of all
except the purity
of presence,
of now,
this moment.
So I can experience
all there is
in the thin spaciousness,
of the vast openness
of being,
and the empty awareness
that all I am
is two heartbeats
and a single breath.
In my Work to free myself from the assumptions, beliefs, and thoughts that run me on autopilot, I read many different authors and reflect on their teachings. Jeff Foster inspired this poem. He is a non-duality missionary who describes the miracle of life and that beyond our thoughts we are free. One of his books, The Wonder of Being, shares his own experiences and views on consciousness and living in the present moment. This equates to the Unitive level of adult development and of spirituality.
Chris Jones is the co-founder and CEO of LeaderSharp Group and is also an accomplished business leader with 30 years of experience leading and growing companies in Calgary, Alberta. Chris has managed organizations of up to $70M revenue in business information, software, data, Internet and consulting services in the Canadian oil and gas industry. Chris has a passion for leadership excellence and organizational effectiveness. He combines his extensive business leadership insight with best in class coaching credentials, management consulting expertise and high impact training and facilitation techniques. This rare and potent combination yields impressive results for his clients. Known for his values-based leadership and high integrity, he builds trusting relationships with clients quickly with a thoughtful approach. Clients acknowledge that his deep understanding of business leadership issues and resulting insight provides high value for them very quickly and effectively.
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